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2011年5月名牌杂志专栏——同性与异性之爱

2012-03-15 16:21:22 编辑 删除

归档在 我的博文 | 浏览 1789 次 | 评论 0 条

随着性观念开放,无论是婚前性行为、试婚、同居,大家都习以为常。甚至同性相恋、异性相爱,大家也见怪不怪。

但是也不乏有些人在很压抑的环境下,必须掩饰真正的性取向。于是这样的男性,他活在社会歧视、环境压力、家庭逼迫之下,他必须结婚生孩子,看过李安导演的《断背山》之后,大家比较容易理解这种情愫。也有的女性,经历了失败的婚姻之后,找同性伴侣互相慰藉身心。那么如何分辨自己是真的同性恋,还是一时的迷失?

以女性来说,如果你们不需假借其他任何工具者,你们才是真的女同志,否则只是一时对男人产生恐惧或不信任而抗拒,转而找女性满足生理及心理的需求罢了。男同志呢?我曾听一位男性朋友说,本来家里帮他安排有了未婚妻,无意间去桑拿,看到其他男性的裸体,竟然产生冲动,他才发现自己是同性恋。女性亦然,如果你看到裸女你会想去抚摸,甚至有性欲,那么你有潜在的同性恋基因。

通常同性恋的他/她有结过婚还有小孩,或者有交往过异性朋友,但是却无法阻止他/她对同性的爱恋及追求。有的男性和家人达成传宗接代的使命之后,虽然终结了婚姻,对外也继续扮演寻找婚姻伴侣的形象,但是他真正需要的并不是女人;有的只能与配偶同床异梦,然后和同性伴侣暗度陈仓。只有少数的人能够在工作单位公开同性恋的身份,例如设计师、艺术家、明星艺人等,人们似乎给这种行业特权或说包容。但是如果你是教师、律师、医师、会计师,包准你不敢声张。

但是无论你是同性恋或异性恋,都有可能碰到分手的伴侣,像《危险关系》那样让你不得安宁、备受困扰,甚至精神崩溃。其实在感情面前,不甘心、不放手那方,哭闹起来是不分男男爱、女女情,或者男女恋。同时我也觉得被这种人爱上很倒霉,这种根本不是爱,只是自己的自尊心过不了关罢了。早年在香港曾经去过男同志酒吧,第一次感到穿得再性感,也不会有人多看你一眼的安全感。见识了失恋的男O号,也哭得像女人被弃一样的凄惨哀怨。

这时我碰到非常美丽来自新加坡的女同志。当我们热舞时,那股勾人像猫的眼神,我才明白什么是放电,也确认了我无法做同志,因为我没有被她的性感挑逗成功。这种才是真的女同志,她无论长相、身材、穿着、化妆都非常美丽,并且没有交过男朋友,因为她认为自己的灵魂是男人。不是那些交过男友失败后,将自己打扮成男人,而且比男人还粗鲁、粗口。

    至于双性恋,他/她们游走于两个性别,通常做男同志的1号他可以喜欢男人(当0号的男人)和女人,也试过有这样的男性厌倦了同性之爱,想和我发展异性关系,但我没有答应,因为始终同性会是他的首选。因为当你习惯了爱恨强烈之后,没有办法满足于细水长流的感情状态。而当女同志的男性角色,即使她和男性交往,她也会是强势的。这钟女性也会找上我,她们需要被我母性般呵护,又同时对我产生保护弱者的欲望;而当女同志的女性角色,如果她游移在男性和女性之间,通常具有比较优柔寡断的个性,哪边尝到甜头她就倒向哪边。                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          

最近听到一句俏皮话:好男人都已经有了男朋友。让女人惋惜的正是如此,通常男同志会比一般异性恋的男人会打扮、有穿着品味、细心体贴,但同样性格容易扭曲、忽冷忽热。我也曾经想过和一个男同志或女同志过下半辈子,在心灵上有寄托,在生活上互相照应。但是又我想去到高级老人会所,一样可以达到这些目的。自从日本大地震之后,觉悟不必想太多未来,因为不知未来和意外哪样先来。所以无论同性或异性之爱,只要不伤害别人,自己高兴就可以了。

 

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